All this "in between" stuff....

The biggest problem with coming back from vacation is returning to "normal life". Ugh.

It starts with the airport, or the drive home, or the day the cruise ship returns to your home port.... The airport one is the worst in my opinion. There you are, all relaxed and happy from your days of vacationing and then suddenly you are barefoot in a line that reminds you of a cattle drive, your belongings are tossed in a plastic tub, and some guy in a blue uniform is feeling up your goodies. Talk about your rude awakenings. So much for all that restorative R&R.

And then there's all the laundry to catch up, and the mail to sort, and all of the ninety-nine million things that your co-workers managed to ignore doing while you were gone... its enough to almost make a person want to never go on vacation again. Almost. (Or, alternatively, and far more tempting, to go on vacation and never come back.)

I struggle with this. Honestly, I have a hard time keeping up with the day-to-day even before I go on vacation. Its just so... boring. While I can maintain my attention on a menial task once I begin... its that beginning that I have a hard time getting to. I think its getting worse as I get older, too. Although, in the last few years, I have had to ask myself if its because the task is boring or if there is more going on there. I am beginning to think that its the latter. Could my aversion to these "boring" things be the symptom of a deeper issue? Does it have anything to do with my always being so tired? Questions, questions, and no answers.

To some extent, I certainly do feel "weighed down". I have too much stuff, too many projects, too many obligations, etc. I am beyond burned out at my job. These are all obstacles that I have to overcome, and some days (too many days) it feels like just.... too much. Going away on vacation gives me this immense freedom - I can just blow off all that "normal" stuff and deal with it "later". And then I have to come home, and its all still there, patiently waiting for me. UGH. I don't know where to start, what to do. I don't have the strength, to motivation, the will.

I want to crawl into bed, and sleep for 47 years.

Of course not only can I not sleep for 47 years, but its not a viable solution to the problem. So, what is the solution? To complete projects, to purge stuff, to start feeling comfortable with telling people "no" when my plate is full, to find a new career. Right. All so much easier said than done. I feel like I make tiny bits of progress - i.e., going back to school puts me on the path to changing my career - but at the same time those bits take so much energy, so much effort that they become just more weight in themselves. Yeah, I know. I feel as crazy as I sound.

Breathe. Focus. Breathe again.

I just keep pushing forward, doing what I think is right, hoping that someday it all falls into place.