Sky High

I wore fancy high heels to work today, and yesterday.... This may not seem like a big deal (and really in the big picture, its completely not) but its something I don't actually do often. I am not tall and thin, and I am certainly not graceful, so wearing high heels is always a bit of an adventure....

And I was going to make this a post about how ha ha klutzy I am, and as I started to write it something else occurred to me. So, heres the new and improved post.

I don't normally wear high heels, because I don't let myself normally wear high heels. I see other women wear them and I think to myself how graceful and awesome they look, and how they will look totally ungraceful and not awesome on me. Can anyone say "mental block"? I'm defeating myself before I even try. Ugh. And its not even like that's unusual. I defeat myself a lot. I am constantly thinking that I can't do something, or something will make me look dumb, or something will fail before I even try it.  Why can't I do it? Who cares if I look dumb? And, really, sometimes failing at something teaches you more than if you had succeeded at it. (No, I haven't been reading motivational posters, thanks for asking.)

I've been trying to do an assessment of myself lately. That sounds like something your boss would write on your annual review, but I hate the term "soul searching". I know where my soul is - its in the brown shoe box under the bed, just like always. I've had some *stuff* going on the last few months and its just made me really think about myself. Like, have I met my goals? Or, at least, working towards them? Am I an ok person? You would think I have too much spare time on my hands, wouldn't you? (I wish!) I think it's really just a mid-life crisis though. Nothing to see here, folks, keep moving.

One of the things I've really been thinking about lately is that I have TOO MUCH STUFF. And that, sadly, is too true. SO much stuff, I'm tired of it all. Its exhausting to look at, and its exhausting to think about getting rid of. Ah, catch 22, screw you too. I realize that part of my problem is that I am being weighed down (physically, spiritually, mentally, etc) by my belongings. When Bill and I first started dating, I moved in with him (and our other roomie) with just a couple boxes of clothes and some other miscellany. I put everything else in storage - out of sight, out of mind. (Bad idea, by the way.) And you know what? I was fine. Were there things that I needed from my storage? Sure, a few. Did I need ALL that stuff? Nope. In fact, several years later, there are things still in storage, and I can't even remember what is in what box! Clearly, I do NOT need things that I can't even remember. I feel like I've made progress just in recognizing that. Now, I just need to physically get rid of that stuff! Next step. And then another after that.... I believe that life is just a series of steps and cycles. It's just a matter of seeing what step is next, and the progress of the cycle. My goal: get rid of stuff! I'll keep updating here, from time to time, as I move to this next step and progress further.

So, yeah, I can wear high heels. I will probably fall down, but at least I'm doing it. One step at a time.